Put your funnies here please.

Joke, Funnies, anything amusing you might like to share :)
It doesn't have to be bike-related.
User avatar
Rasher
expert
Posts: 1256
Joined: Fri May 21, 2010 2:36 am
Location: Oxford, UK

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby Rasher » Sun May 21, 2017 6:24 am

As Guy Martin quite rightly stated when asked about how great the "Zero TT" is - your just burning the fossil fuels somewhere else , in this case not all that far away :mrgreen:

User avatar
tim
Site Admin
Posts: 3412
Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2005 10:07 am
Location: Linz, Austria
Contact:

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby tim » Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:01 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

User avatar
The raven
Legend
Posts: 811
Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:45 am
Location: yorkshire

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby The raven » Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:17 am

US President Trumps' wife Melania was at dinner with her friends.
she told them she had bought Donald a parrot called Freddie for his birthday.
she said that Donald had taught it 200 words ...

her friend said " but you do realise he doesn't understand them ? "

"that's ok" said Melania " The parrot doesn't either !! "
Spiritus numquam senescit
"The spirit never grows old"
"quoth the Raven "

53 years in the alps
1964-2017

User avatar
kernowing
speaker
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 9:01 pm
Location: Cornwall, England.

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby kernowing » Sat Nov 18, 2017 2:50 pm

Made me chuckle:-

Warming:
If youse gets a link called "Free Porn" don?t opin it ?!!"#$%
It is a birus wich deactivats yur Spellcheck and garblis up yur riting.
I alsu receibed its, but lukily I don't does porn so I didnt opin its.
Warn al1 yor vriends.

Chears, Plete. :D
After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .


You're probably dead.

User avatar
Michael J
expert
Posts: 4923
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2005 10:51 am
Location: Sterling, Virginia, USofA
Contact:

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby Michael J » Sat Nov 18, 2017 11:32 pm

=D> =D> =D> =D>
Michael Jordan
'86 SRX-6 (sleeping in the garage)
'03 DL-1000 (on the road in Europe)
'13 Tiger Explorer (accumulating miles)

User avatar
The raven
Legend
Posts: 811
Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:45 am
Location: yorkshire

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby The raven » Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:41 am

Fxxxing fuming!!!!
Just got home to find all of my windows open!
They've taken everything
Dirty rotten thieving bxxxard!!!! you wait until I find you!!!
I'll brake your fxxxing legs, How can people just think they can take what ever they want??
That was MY advent calendar and you had no right to open the windows and steal all of my chocolate!
Spiritus numquam senescit
"The spirit never grows old"
"quoth the Raven "

53 years in the alps
1964-2017

User avatar
iomrob
expert
Posts: 1595
Joined: Sat Oct 07, 2006 10:44 pm
Location: isle of man
Contact:

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby iomrob » Mon Dec 18, 2017 10:18 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: =D> =D>
What if the Hokey Cokey is REALLY what it's all about?

User avatar
kernowing
speaker
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 9:01 pm
Location: Cornwall, England.

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby kernowing » Thu Jan 04, 2018 10:01 am

An couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.
When the male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while,
the weight stretches the Penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, His wife looked at him and said, "How about we try
the African String-and-Weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little Tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"






"No, it's turned black!!"
After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .


You're probably dead.

User avatar
The raven
Legend
Posts: 811
Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:45 am
Location: yorkshire

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby The raven » Sun Jan 07, 2018 5:02 am

:lol: :lol:
Spiritus numquam senescit
"The spirit never grows old"
"quoth the Raven "

53 years in the alps
1964-2017

User avatar
kernowing
speaker
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 9:01 pm
Location: Cornwall, England.

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby kernowing » Fri Mar 09, 2018 9:00 am

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
The priest said, Confess your sins and be forgiven.
The young woman said, Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times.
The priest thought long and hard and then said, Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.
The young woman asked, Will this cleanse me of my sins?








The priest said, No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face. [-X :D
After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .


You're probably dead.

User avatar
kernowing
speaker
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 9:01 pm
Location: Cornwall, England.

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby kernowing » Tue Mar 20, 2018 10:21 pm

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general, began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, 'Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?'

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, 'Well yeah, if that's what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.'

So the farmer says, 'Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.'
The trooper says, 'Oh,' and goes back to writing the ticket.

Then after a minute he stops and says, 'Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?'

The farmer says, 'Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass.'

The trooper says, 'Well, that's a good thing,' and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, 'Hard to fool them flies though...'
After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .


You're probably dead.

User avatar
The raven
Legend
Posts: 811
Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:45 am
Location: yorkshire

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby The raven » Thu Mar 22, 2018 12:15 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbup:
Spiritus numquam senescit
"The spirit never grows old"
"quoth the Raven "

53 years in the alps
1964-2017

User avatar
kernowing
speaker
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 9:01 pm
Location: Cornwall, England.

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby kernowing » Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:24 am

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy old tramp wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Bugger off you filthy old bastard!”

He shrugged and turned away saying,

"Okay, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”

She didn’t jump.
After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .


You're probably dead.

User avatar
The raven
Legend
Posts: 811
Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:45 am
Location: yorkshire

Re: Put your funnies here please.

Postby The raven » Thu Apr 19, 2018 9:47 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: =D>
Spiritus numquam senescit
"The spirit never grows old"
"quoth the Raven "

53 years in the alps
1964-2017


Return to “Jokes & Humour”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest